As winter settles in, stores all over North America are playing the same Christmas songs, and the Hallmark movie floodgates open, releasing a new barrage of cynical, humorless, and formulaic movies meant to keep you in the holiday spirit until that magical day, December 25th, finally arrives. For some, this is the perfect time of year. They see the world as a magical place where everyone is kind, accommodating, and giving. It doesn’t matter that their feelings are being manipulated in order to keep them shopping because they love it so much. While there’s nothing wrong with getting excited about seeing family, giving presents, or admiring the snow, there are others who aren’t quite so charmed.
For them, Christmas can be an oppressive season, one where they are constantly judged for being different or criticized for not making as much money as those around them. Perhaps they don’t have a family or a nice home to suffer through the cold with. Then again, maybe they’re just annoyed with all the commercialism and pressure that comes with the “most wonderful time of the year.” If you identify as belonging to the latter group as opposed to the former, the last thing you’re going to want to do is sit around and watch unfunny rom-coms about two boring characters deciding to be boring together. That doesn’t mean there’s nothing for you to watch, though. There are plenty of movies catering to folks who would rather sleep through December than have to listen to another rendition of “Jingle Bells.” Below is just a sampling of what’s waiting for you should you wish to indulge in your more antisocial holiday tendencies.
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8 Gremlins
Warner Bros.
The 1984 Joe Dante film Gremlins is a lot like the titular subject matter. At first glance, it appears to be cute, family entertainment perfect for the holiday season. However, as the film progresses, we see the darker, twisted side of the film grow into a menacing horror movie with a hilarious sense of humor. Just like the gremlins themselves evolve into mischievous pranksters who revel in destruction and chaos. What makes it such a great anti-Christmas movie is the fact that it dissects the rotten hypocrisy at the center of the holiday through the visual metaphor of the superficial being shredded to ribbons in order to reveal everything cruel and wrong underneath. Also, it features a bunch of anarchists destroying decorations and making everyone’s life a living hell, and if you truly hate this time of year, then you can probably relate to that impulse.
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7 Black Christmas
Before he made what is arguably the greatest Christmas film of all time (A Christmas Story), Bob Clark made this terrifying psychological precursor to what would become known as the slasher genre. The premise of Black Christmas couldn’t be simpler: a sorority house is terrorized by a serial killer hiding out in the attic. As we watch these young women go about their day with an almost slice-of-life structure, the suspense builds as they receive perverted phone calls from the killer and the house empties, leaving Olivia Hussey home alone. The film is vulgar, hilarious, and bleak: perfect for people who spend the holidays resenting the rest of the world’s overabundance of faux positivity. It’s been remade a few times. You can skip those.
6 Tangerine
Magnolia Pictures
We’ve seen Christmas movies about wealthy families coming together in idyllic surroundings, soaking up the peace and contentment that comes with being able to afford all the luxuries in the world and sharing it with those around you over and over again. What about underpaid sex workers living in Los Angeles just trying to survive? That’s the focus of the 2015 indie darling Tangerine directed by Sean Baker. The characters in this film have hopes and dreams, but they’re constantly at war with the community they’ve entered out of necessity. Without hitting you over the head, the film paints a grimy picture of everyday life that is occasionally very fun, sometimes depressing, and weirdly optimistic. If you’re tired of the opaque veneer glossing over the desperation many people feel during the most wonderful time of the year, then Tangerine should give you that harsh dose of reality you’re looking for.
5 Silent Night, Deadly Night
Tri-Star Pictures
It would be easy to fill this list with nothing but Christmas horror movies since, by their very nature, they deal with all the things Christmas is against. However, most of them are horror movies that just so happen to take place at Christmas or that utilize iconography with no real substance. Films like that are a dime a dozen, and you don’t need any help from us in locating them. What sets Silent Night, Deadly Night apart is the fact that its main character is grappling with the psychological effects of Christian ideologies and the belief that Santa is just as much a giver of punishment as he is gifts. For the most part, it is a dark, depressing, and exploitative slasher movie, but the subtext sets it apart from others in the genre. This has been remade as well.
4 Bad Santa
Miramax Films
Like Tangerine, the comedy Bad Santa delves into the seedier side of Christmas by following an angry, abusive thief who would rather drink himself to death than have to put on one more Santa suit and rob a department store again. He is completely antithetical to everything we’re told the holidays are about: he is selfish, cruel, petty, and a criminal. That being said, he is also the hero of the film. One could argue that he learns the meaning of Christmas by the end, but this is a man who found purpose in life after beating the snot out of a bunch of bullying teenagers. His version of the Christmas spirit is just as sick and depraved as his lifestyle. This is one to watch if you like seeing Christmas getting knocked off its pedestal a bit, but isn’t a totally heartless hate machine as it does have a kind of happy ending.
3 Krampus
Universal Pictures
You couldn’t get more anti-Christmas than Krampus. He is literally the opposite of Santa Claus. The fact that such a joyfully macabre horror-comedy like Krampus isn’t considered a modern holiday classic is a mystery that may take years to unravel. From director Michael Dougherty (who gave us the similarly underrated holiday masterpiece Trick ‘r Treat), Krampus lets you know where it stands on the holidays from the jump by beginning the film with slow-motion footage of ravenous Black Friday shoppers trampling over each other to get their greedy hands on all the best gifts they can find, while Bing Crosby sings “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.” The narrative takes the cynical (and perhaps accurate) view that even if the holiday was indeed intended to be about goodwill and good cheer, that is a relic of the distant past. The movie goes on to punish everyone for their greed with fun and scary monsters doling out justice with delight. It’s Miracle on 34th Street for sadists.
2 Brazil
From trailblazing visionary Terry Gilliam, Brazil isn’t just anti-Christmas (it takes place at Christmastime), it’s against modernity in almost every way shape and form. It exists in a dystopian world where the air is toxic, everything is overrun by a bureaucratic regime that can just storm into your home, kidnap you and make your spouse sign paperwork before covering everything up and acting as if nothing happened. The main character has become so disillusioned by this horrific existence that he begins having dreams of being a knight in shining armor saving the love of his life and believing that these are more than dreams. He’s wrong, of course, and the world really is a horrific nihilistic place where it’s better to be lobotomized than to suffer the horror that is your waking life. By the way, it is also a hilarious satire with mind-blowing imagery that will warp your brain.
1 Christmas Vacation
This may be a controversial choice, but Christmas Vacation is one of the best anti-Christmas movies ever made. Throughout the film’s entire runtime, the characters are more interested in all the nonsense that comes with the holiday rather than the joy that’s meant to come with spending time together. The more Clark Griswald tries to give his family the perfect Christmas, the more we see that the superficial side of the holiday is the only thing that matters to these people. The film tries to shoehorn in a lesson about family and love at the end (spoilers), but that only happens after he convinces his boss to restore the Christmas bonuses he’s been hoping for all year. Money solves all of his problems and gives him a new perspective on his actions. Perhaps if his boss still refused to give his employees a bonus and Clark sat down to a nice meal with his wife and kids, then you could say this was a pro-Christmas film. As it is, Christmas Vacation exposes and mocks everything wrong with the holiday season.
